I'm Writing Anyway: Feeling Restless....

I'm feeling restless and intentional. Odd combination? I think so. The Christmas season is over, and what a good one 2009 was... great times with family and friends, and even a few festivities left to enjoy as the New Year rolls around.

I'm thinking today about the upcoming 2010 year. New Year's is always a big deal for me personally. As soon as Christmas has passed, I typically start to get reflective about the past year and begin to think forward to what I'd like the next year to be for me.... or rather, what I'd like to be for the next year. I typically whip out my journal and take a look at my one, five and ten year goals, and then reassess and see which goals I've met and which I've yet to achieve. I then add another few to the list and begin to look forward to the commitment of attempting to accomplish those. And then, I never again look at the list until the following year. Amazingly enough, some of my "goals" are more like "bucket list" items--things I want to accomplish in my lifetime--that are so deeply engrained in my psyche that I actually end up achieving some of them before the year ends. But, that is mere chance, because in all reality, New Years (as much as I hate to say it with my ever so idealistic intentions) is for me what it has been for many others... a time to dream big. And the year is typically a time to fail miserably.

Don't get me wrong, lots of good things happen along the way throughout the year, some on the list (as said before) and some not. But at the end of most years, I'm left feeling a bit frazzled, a bit directionless, and very unintentional.

I guess that's what this all boils down to. I want to be more intentional. In our fast-paced world, I feel like we often make lists for the sake of crossing items off as they are finished so that we can feel as if we've accomplished something, when at the end of the day... or the month... or the year, we've really DONE a lot of things, a lot of tasks, but have we accomplished anything significant, anything memorable, anything life-altering? Do we take the time to be affected (truly affected) by conversations, books, nature, individuals and life's circumstances around us? Do we end our year feeling like we've noticed themes to the lessons learned and take that to heart in a way that changes us? Do we live as beings who were created to BE instead of just DO? Do we KNOW ourselves and are we becoming the people we long desperately to be in our worlds?

I was sharing with my hubby that I have high hopes of living at a slower pace, a more intentional pace, one where I read things that really make me reflect and want to become a changed individual. He seems up to the challenge as well... we just haven't thought of what to "label" this year. A year of change? A year of introspection (that just sounds boring and self-centered)? A year of thought? Hmm.... we're still working on it... but we're looking forward to being changed this year.

And although my list of "life-changing" reading material is growing.... (see below for those on the list so far and FEEL FREE to let me know your suggestions to add!!!!) and although I'm looking forward to cutting our activity and responsibility load, I am now feeling a bit "thought out," and am excited to pick up the new Stephen King novel and read to my little heart's content. After all, January 1 isn't here yet. And I'm keeping it real.

The 2010 reading list (so far)...